Love is born with attraction, commitment and loyalty. Are they all necessary? What is the role of sexuality in love? Here are some thoughts on the subject of love.

Love is in the spotlight. It is difficult to escape the cupids of all stripes. The avalanches of red hearts and other are I love you! Yet, if love is selling well, it is increasingly abused in everyday life. The proof: more than half of marriages end in divorce (not to mention free unions!). One in two people admits having cheated his partner at least once, one in ten children is not really he fathered (better to understand the success of paternity tests).

This pessimistic picture highlights the discrepancy between ideals and the reality. Is it the fault of the harsh reality dictated solely by economic imperatives, the agony of religion, the dissolution of morals, and the disintegration of values such as respect, commitment, or loyalty? Or is it our definition of love is wrong and the unrealistic expectations it raises? Perhaps it is well known not just (or more) what love is? On Valentine’s Day, I propose you my questions and some thoughts on the subject of free love.

What do we talk when we talk about love?

For most people, love is a feeling, that is to say a kind of lasting emotional disposition that leads them to another being. It would be more accurate to speak of attraction. When one loves, one is attracted by the other, we want to be close to him. Yes, but it is quite possible to be drawn (especially physically) with someone you do not like! So there is confusion between attraction and love. And yet, should we not speak of attractions in the plural rather than singular? Indeed, the attraction may be to name only three dimensions – physical, intellectual or spiritual.

The attraction is not sufficient to create love

The attraction is not enough for love (by cons it is enough to make love). It is only a component of love. This, to me, is an essential point to convey the emotional education of young people: not because we are very attracted to be in love with someone we love and we could spend our life with this person.

Will that be good for the other?

Therefore, something more than attraction is to be called love. This is of concern to me over to the eyes of others. In other words: will the good of the person you love attract you. To love is to fulfill the wish and happiness of another person whom you love. It is a deeply altruistic and respectful attitude. In this sense, love is only possible when there is a respect. One can certainly respect someone without loving them, but it is not possible to love without respect (some people bang their wives by pretending to love!). Love is the ultimate step of compliance.

Love is the ultimate stage of compliance

Respect means accepting each other in all complexities, with contradictions, its flaws and weaknesses. It takes it as it is and give up the need of change. We then approach the idea of unconditional love, which is more a verb than to receive. In fact, a word between possessive love and conditional love is unconditional love. The first says “I love you so … (you stop drinking beer with your friends, you lose a few pounds, you give up your work, etc.)” while the latter dares “I love you even if… (you prefer to be with your friends, you have relationships with others, etc.).

“I love you even though…”

This unconditional love is rare! It is certainly not given to everyone. However, everyone can try to put his love under the sign of letting go and acceptance, that is to say give up the right and the power it can have on others. It has the power to control and shape the behaviors of others. It is therefore the opposite of love that welcomes others as he is and let freedom of choice be intact. Love and power are definitely incompatible!