Is it Good to Read Books of Pop Psychology?
Some popular psychology books sell us simple solutions to solve problems. Especially by providing magic recipes and easy-to-follow steps that tell to do “just this” and “just that” for you to end up with perfect personal and working relationships!
Included in this extreme are also all those books that focus on “positive” thinking, telling people that the key to getting success, money and love, lies in the mere fact of asking for it to happen. This is not good food for the psyche; in fact, it is dangerous. Many people can become easily unbalanced by this type of approach. What prevents them from working, in reality, is not the lack of positive images and desires, but rather something deficient in their inner voice.
Why is Crying Positive in Life?
Because, strangely enough, tears are the opposite of depression. People who are deeply depressed find it very difficult to cry; their tears are virtually frozen. Instead of crying, they become increasingly rigid and cold. Crying, except when used by some people as a means to seek attention and self-victimize, is a release of emotion. When one is broken, one feels unloved and abandoned, not having received the love and the attention that others do; the inner child in us is humiliated. One must therefore look to our inner voice for answers.
Enough Psychotherapy to Get By
One way to open up the prospects of a true form of psychological work is to consider one’s life over the span of ten years, or more. If we evolve in life, it is not only because it has been guided by positive aspects, but also by the answers to these questions we must ask: What made us suffer? What blocked us? What drew us down? This is how to avoid the trap of endless therapies that keep you within the prison of the emotional feelings of victimization.
Maternal and Paternal Archetypes
The two great universal principles on which humanity is based are the maternal principle, which is comfort, compassion, understanding; and the paternal principle, which means law, order and authority. To be balanced, human beings must absolutely balance their mother and father energies throughout their lives, even when they are adults.
Sometimes the reverse happens: the father plays the mother’s role, while the mother is authoritarian. But even in such a case, there is no problem per se, since the traditional archetype is represented anyway. The person who receives both will not have to search for his entire life for ways to fill the void. The problem occurs when the mother or father, or both, were not present in childhood.
If the child does not receive both types of energy, what will happen?
For a child to fit into society, both archetypes must be present in his life. However, it is not necessary that his own mother or his father need give him what it takes to become an adult and live fully. In fact, the father should not necessarily be the biological father, but one that offers the paternal principle.
We can very well find the same qualities in a teacher, uncle or family friend. Therefore, we must learn to recognize the maternal and paternal qualities in people that we meet.
The big question is how to find an environment with ideas and people who support us and give us a taste of life, without necessarily depending on somebody. The answer lies in learning to decode all we see as a surge of responses. Through the inner voice, you can learn a lot. For example, you can learn to recognize people around you who are toxic to you, those that exhaust you; and by contrast, those who do us well and understand us. Once you know what you are looking for, it is more likely to find.
What is the most common situation in couple’s therapy?
Women have a maternal attitude towards their husbands too, taking care of them as if they were their child. This way of being of women to their husbands is totally unconscious. People do not seem to realize that this is the path to failure.
In fact, women do this because they are trying to offer what they themselves have not received. By becoming aware of this herself, she can improve her behavior. Being more aware of what happens at an unconscious level makes for less mess later.
In what other way does this attitude affect couples?
It can even destroy sexuality – after all, you do not sleep with your own mother! Without realizing what she does in time, a wife is certain to hear from her husband, “I am tired of you playing mother with me; I would rather it go away. I’d rather have a partner who has the qualities of a woman and not those of a mother.” But – by just being aware of what you are doing, it can help you as a couple. Hence the need to be more self-aware, if the relationship becomes so heavy.
What dangers lie in wait for the woman who is too maternal towards her children?
The mother that is a maid to her children, and one that grants every wish, can cause harm. This sort of mother has unnecessarily and unhealthily sacrificed all the other aspects of her Self by playing the role of “mother”. Women must understand that this is the surest road that heads to the exhaustion of their emotional strength. Moreover, they aren’t really helping their children in the long run, because their overbearing maternal care increases the dependence of her children on her.