We often hear that true love implies commitment and loyalty. Still it is necessary to know how you define these terms! I understand commitment as a willingness to stay closer to its own values and decisions. It is, above all, a commitment to yourself. In addition, engagement is a dynamic process that is repeated every day. It has nothing to do with an unalterable contract signed once and for all. We would then have a commitment petrified, unable to adapt to the flow of life.

A commitment to self

It’s the same fidelity. The important thing is that it is not at all to remain faithful to what it is – its values and ideals? What about those relationships that unite two individuals who are faithful to their commitment at the time, but so tired of being together? The greatest infidelity is not that she stays with a person you hate most and fade away.

Be faithful to what we really are

The issue of commitment inevitably rebounds on the theme of the couple or marriage. But love and married life are not necessarily linked. Everyone knows of couples who stay together out of habit and comfort, but the love has gone. There are also couples who separate while maintaining a deep and sincere love. Is this necessarily the length that defines the great love stories? Some lasts a lifetime, others overnight! And then, they have less value!  Why a couple would build it necessary that the ultimate outcome of love?

For life or for the night?

Who speaks about love and relationship, thereby evokes the question of exclusivity. Can we live several parallel love or love – it is inherently exclusive? On closer inspection, human life is placed under the sign of multiple loves. The newborn begins to love his mother and his father, his brothers and sisters, and the extended family. Similarly, parents are able to love all their children simultaneously. Conjugal love seems the only exception. So why the love of the couple should be exclusive? Is this not a pure cultural conditioning? Moreover, polygamous societies are unconcerned about this limit. Our love is probably unique (at least officially!), because we learned that he should be monogamous. This is, in any case, certainly not because there is not enough room in our heart for many people.

Love – is it exclusive?

In our society, it is generally not allowed to love several people simultaneously. The lover or mistress must stay in the shade. We prefer to see divorce, broken families and blended, that is to say, marriages rehearsals rather than multiple loves. It may well love several partners, provided it is not simultaneously. Why was this so? Our thought patterns are so narrow that they cannot tolerate the openness.

And sex in all this?

One could blame for not having included the issue of sexuality in my thinking. It is drawing that sex has become much too large in this society. In fact, our society is obsessed with sex. Sexuality is everywhere – posters, newspapers, TV, movies, Internet. The religion itself is constantly talking about it. And what if we stopped to give him the prominent place? Is it not the time to stop measuring love in terms of gender?

A society obsessed with sex

Why is it that the bed is still the only line between love and other feelings? When you are married, a relationship of love or friendship in love with another person is acceptable, provided they do not sleep with it. Conversely, having sex with others, even in the complete absence of feeling, is intolerable for most married people. Why did this be a sex determining place?

After this reflection, it appears that the term encompasses much love… things that may have nothing to do with love – such as jealousy, possessiveness, coercion or violence (think of the crimes of passion). This enables better understanding of this enigmatic maxim by La Rochefoucauld: “If we judge love by most of its effects, it is more like hatred than friendship.”