It is not always easy for parents to say no to a child and not to yield to the whims of the latter on the grounds when he gets angry. The opposition is normal to child, yet not impose limits is an important gesture. These will help manage stability and consistency, thus enabling the child to grow in confidence.
It should be little time to our little bundle of joy for him to recognize his own personality and seeks to assert himself through the opposition. High to a grasshopper, normally around two or three years, here it is telling us not serve in every possible way and to test our authority in different situations. An attitude quite normal, where the child tries to understand what is right or wrong, which causes joy or anger: he is simply trying to ensure his individual building.
Anger for the child is a part of its strategy to win something. It causes parents to measure their levels of resistance. If you successful pass through his crises, why to stop there?
During the period of child development, parents must set limits and assert their authority. Interventions should be firm but respectful when asking the child that limits are for the sense of his development and security. Of course, it is not always easy. Learning to stay firm and consistent is a daily challenge. However, impose limits, it’s a bit like ladder rungs as the child climbs to reach a greater maturity.
A child is not doing what he wants, but that its pulse commands him to do it. In fact, the child wants two things: to be loved and to be good, the better to succeed in many things and be a focus for his entourage. If left to itself, it will go from failure to dismiss.
There are three elements that are essential to the supervision of a child: explain, act and speak on mood. When we explain to a child, it receives and stores information. That’s how he finally understands why, for example, do not hit, why it is important to brush teeth, etc. The explanation maintain the alliance with the parent.
After the explanation, if the child continues his impulsiveness, we must then proceed to act, that is to say, give a consequence to the situation where the explanation is not enough. The punishment is then the result to an impulse not dominated in children, reflected by the imposition of a constraint, withdrawal and the rest. The result should be ignored.
Finally, mentor a child is taken on the mood of the latter. We see quickly if a child does not go well. When too excited, tired, aggressive, he is unfit to work well. The role of parents is then put in a better provision for the situations they live a day in the best possible spirit. But that’s more elusive as reality and, in general, people expect to have a behavioral problem with their child before intervention on the mood of the latter.
Sometimes it’s a cumbersome task
Not surprisingly, many parents may feel overwhelmed and do not know where to turn to face the anger of their child. It’s very frustrating and very discouraging for parents who often feel that their efforts to impose limits do not result in actual result, the child does not respect them. Many of them feel they are still in the discipline rather than positive interactions with their children. So they are questioning and often feel guilty.
That is exactly what Julia, a daughter of four years, felt when, a year ago, she contacted a service to get some help. “My daughter is not very difficult, but about three years, she began to question everything, to reject all. Within a few months, I felt that everything I had established as a discipline was collapsing!”
Same story for Anny, the mother of a five years old boy. “I was so prepared to offer my child a flexible and calm that I was surprised when Matthew started to hold my head. The idea upset and frustrate me. I do not want to take the role of the wicked.”
At first it’s very emotional. We must therefore take time to listen to the parent, and little by little, watch solutions. Let the parent know first what he expects of his child and wants to achieve the objective. And then, depending on the needs of the child, whether the parental approach is realistic. Often, the attitude of the child and even some of his reactions refer squarely parents themselves, and they need a lot of determination not to become disheartened or ask a thousand questions.
The parent is a carrier of reality. This is not the parent who is wicked, it is the reality that is. That is the reality, which we cannot let the child eat the same thing, he must go to bed at night, he dresses in the winter… It is necessary that the parent has enough self-esteem to impose limits and to understand the re-bedridden child.