You worry because you do not spend enough time with your children or they watch too much television, you regret having taken the last piece of chocolate and you are experiencing discomfort with the idea that you are not went to see your mother when you know she is in bad shape…
Such sentiments sound familiar? It is the guilt that comes to tell you that you just fail the expectations that you had set. But those expectations… what exactly do they refer? At the perfection? Non-right to make mistakes? Let them go, give up these feelings of humiliation and say goodbye to the guilt once and for all…
The feeling of guilt is very human and healthy, but when it comes to you and crush you into a victim, you must get rid of this feeling by the action of repair to make the switch of the suffering to the resolution. In our society, strongly influenced by the media, the quest for performance and perfection become a commonplace. We must do everything and do it well, no matter what the consequences are.
We cannot afford to make mistakes, no right to waive strict rules that we set for ourselves and, worse, more right to relax. Are we saying to us “dehumanize” little by little? This unhealthy obedience can only make us slide into a loss of self esteem and in some cases, unfortunately, can lead to depression. This is not to fall into mediocrity by setting goals too low, but rather to identify realistic expectations, which you have the means to meet and will get you a feeling of satisfaction and serenity.
You have trouble saying no?
For some individuals, say a “no” can be very difficult. Especially in women. It is not uncommon that it will put additional pressure, which implies that it must worry about the happiness and well-being of others. Whether it is from your maternal instinct or your religious and cultural heritage, this is taking the responsibilities of others on your shoulders. You may lose sight of your resources and energy instead of doing what is best for you.
Your spouse is missing? You and your partner used to spend much time together during weekends, but with the arrival of a baby, you barely have time to spend because of the mad rush of family life and catching up lost time in household work that you put on hold throughout the week. When your partner wants to spend time with you, you’re so exhausted that all you want is being able to doze… You feel so terribly guilty about not spending enough time together.
How to get rid of this feeling? Feeling guilty will not get you anywhere. Instead opt for better management of your priorities. If you feel guilty, then there is a shortfall in your relationship. Allow yourself to give up activities for the well-being of your relationship, because if your relationship is healthy, the family will be better too. During the weekends, do not strive for perfection and do everything. Put aside the work of lesser importance that can be done some other time. Emphasize quality over quantity. Nurture ability of listening, understanding and sharing with time. Linger in joint activities around the house, like gardening or cooking, to promote exchange, mutual support and relaxation. When children are asleep, you have plenty of time to relax and enjoy the evening with your partner without worrying about other things.
The past haunts you? Guilt can sometimes be a reminder of a mistake or a regret of the past. It is difficult to navigate through life without saying that we could have done better in this situation or that could have hurt someone who did not deserve it. You are not a monstrous person if you experience guilt, rather it means that you have a conscience. Don’t let the guilt of the past invade you and take over your life, which can lead to depression.
How to get rid of this feeling? If a situation from the past is bothering you, you should take note of this. Feeling guilty about a situation that occurred in the past is a waste of energy. Be aware that sometimes we all make mistakes, so forgive yourself and let it go… Turn this error into a learning opportunity that will allow you to grow and become a better person.
You feel guilty for returning to work? Your schedule is perfectly structured for the week to run smoothly and, unfortunately, baby falls ill with a fever and wants only mom… You worked 15 years to be where you are in your career and this week, the big boss comes to you… You’re torn. You torture yourself with these thoughts and say you are unable to perform the job of mother and wife to work effectively together. You are overwhelmed by guilt…