If you do not control your negative emotions, then they will control you! Emotional intelligence is a term we often hear. What is it all about? Can we really free ourselves from our negative emotions? Here is how to enrich the understanding of your emotions!
What is Emotional Intelligence?
When we want to improve our lives, we want to live with positive emotions. All we feel is emotions. These are also emotions that drive us to do important things, like confess our love to our beloved.
In his book Emotional Intelligence, published in 1995, American psychologist Daniel Goleman popularized the idea that our emotions play an important role in our well-being and our relationships. We define emotional intelligence as the ability to interact with each other on an emotional level. It is being linked to the knowledge of our own emotions and the ability to recognize and gain access to the emotions of others.
The intelligence of emotions plays an important role in our lives. If a person at work is extremely competent in his job, but nobody wants to work with her because she is unable to interact with others, there is a risk of problems and conflicts in the office.
Our Emotions Speak to Us
What can we do to feel our emotions more and enjoy better relationships with others? By learning about our emotions. All our emotions are designed to give us one great message: Prepare yourself for something. But the message of course, has some subtleties!
For example, fear suggests you just prepare yourself for what may happen to be negative. So if you are afraid to fail an activity, fear will suggest you to better prepare yourself to succeed. This message is positive! Unfortunately, we do not always have the time to listen to our emotions. Worse, we let ourselves be overwhelmed by their message without understanding it and we magnify the effect of certain emotions by feeding on negative thoughts.
We must stress the importance of listening to our emotions and not the guesses as we often do: “I’m sad, it must be because of this lousy weather.”
Free Ourselves from Negative Emotions
A widespread view is the strong belief that we cannot cope with our emotions. Yet nothing is further from the truth. We are mainly responsible for our emotions, which arise, from our thoughts. Therefore, we have power over certain parts of our lives, which can be sometimes very unpleasant.
We often hide our weaknesses and our discomfort behind the justifications that prevent us from identifying the source of problems and resolve them. For example, some people justify their thoughts and negative attitudes by saying they are pessimistic. ‘It is the tree that hides the forest’. Their pessimism is perhaps the result of fear and anxiety they experience while facing what they cannot and do not control.
Our negative emotions create a devastating impact on our lives, hence the importance of mastering them! This is also the case of emotional intelligence.
Some Examples of Messages from Your Emotions
1. The discomfort usually tells you to change your status and plan on what to do to restore a good level of comfort.
2. Aggression against a person or a situation means that a rule or a value important to you has been violated. Emotion tells you to do what it takes to restore equilibrium.
3. The disappointment means that your expectations are not met. You can change the way you view your expectations.
4. Guilt means that you have violated your own values and you have to do what it takes to recover.
Cultivating Positive Emotions
You can enjoy your negative emotions for only one reason: they allow you to improve .Are you really able to work on yourself when things are going well? Once we agree to confront our negative emotions, we put ourselves in a good position to understand our difficulties. How to do it?
1. Identify what happens. Any emotional discomfort means that you must change your state.
2. Make a plan. Clarify your thoughts and attitudes about what you really want. Whatever you have and what does this mean? Clarifying what you feel over the situation will help you out.
3. Take action. Be aware of negative thoughts that you maintain in connection with the situation. Do not sit by saying “I reject the offer,” “I’m shy,” “I am incapable”, etc. You must take an action to improve the situation!
Obviously, like all learning processes, mastery of your negative emotions requires effort. The good news? The more you practice, the more you enrich the understanding of your emotions!